Sunday, July 21, 2013

What now?

It has been a while since I've taken time to post here. Life has gotten so busy. I want to start keeping a log of some of the problems that we have been encountering as Gabe is hitting adolescence. I don't know if these problems are related to adolescence or not.
One of the issues that we have been having with Gabe is his inability to deal with frustration. He now threatens to kill or punch those whom he feels have stopped him. Indeed I have stopped him from doing many things. He was very angry with me last night. He came downstairs at 11:30 p.m. and wanted to play a certain CD. He had been sent to bed a little more than an hour before. I reminded him that he had been sent to bed. He argued that I had promised him the CD. I never promise a CD or movie for later. We occasionally use a particular TV show as an earned reward, but I will not promise a CD for later. He would have me in over my head in promises if I did that. He would like to have a line up that goes until some time next year! After a few rounds of arguing he stomped up to bed stating that he was very angry. He was louder than should be as others were sleeping already. I was glad that he did not wake the baby.
The statement of being very angry was much tamer than many statements that he makes. He is allowed to say that he is angry. However, his anger is not justifiable. I am not going to allow music at that time of night when others are sleeping and he should be in bed.
This morning I was in the bathroom when Gabe came downstairs. Within a minute he and Angel  "were having words". Gabe was shouting loudly at her as they came into the kitchen. I called out for Gabe to sit and I would be out in a minute. When I came out Gabe was sitting there on the step stool. I asked him what was going on.
"Well Angel she, she, um, well I was just coming downstairs and being a good boy and Angel she..." Gabe kept looking away. It seems as if he was trying to make something up fast. I have seen this many time before. I wanted to see what he was really going to say so asked, "What did she do?" He continued with his "Well Angel she...I was being good and she... well she...cause I was being good and she..." He was looking over at the cupboard beside him and not wanting to look at me. He seemed to be looking for something good to say.
I called Angel into the kitchen. "What happened?"I asked.
I didn't do anything to him. He just came downstairs and then stuck his fist in my face and told me to leave him alone. I didn't do anything except tell him to leave me alone after he did that. Then he started saying all kinds of things to me and you told him to sit.
I looked at Gabe. "Did you shake your fist in Angels face."  "No"  ''Are you sure?" "No" After a few minutes of talking he finally said that he did it because she.... Never a real reason stated. I sent him to face the wall. He tried to apologize his way out of it. I told him that he had to take the consequences for shaking his fist at Angel and then apologize after that.
I wish I really knew what happened. Sometimes Angel nit picks at Gabe so much and yet still does not see that she is causing some of the problem with all of the nit picking/nagging. I have tried to help her see but she just defends her position and does not see the effect. However, Gabe does come right of the blue with some of his threats. Angels says that he threatens to kill her at least once a day. This is NOT acceptable. I do not hear most of it. I am trying to figure out if there are triggers for this behavior. Regardless, Ï'm going to kill you" is not an appropriate response to anything. We are seeking help at this time.

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