Gabe loves slap shtick humor. He especially likes things like shows like Wipe Out and America's Funniest Home Video's (AFV) where people fall down. He laughs and laughs. Then he sometimes tries to make things happen to people after he has been allowed to watch some of these shows. This is not good. He also laughs when someone trips, falls or drops things. This is very rude.
A few nights ago we were driving home from the gym. There was a deer wandering around in the road in front of us. I slowed so that I would not hit it. The deer wandered off of the road and I started to speed up. Just then a huge deer ran in front of us. I braked quickly and just missed the deer. Gabe laughed hysterically. "You hit the deer!" he gasped.
"I did not hit the deer," I answered. "I just missed it".
"You were going to hit the deer," Gabe was still laughing.
"I wanted to miss it and I did. I wanted my van to stay nice."
"Boom, you could just hit it," Gabe burst into laughter again.
"Why is .that funny?" I asked.
"I don't know," he answered. "buzzt bing you could ohh sigh" Gabe was trying to get control of himself. He still uses a bit of gibberish in his spoken language when he is at a loss for words or is worked up, whether good or bad.
Some times I wonder if the laughter is simply a nervous reaction or if it is more sinister in nature. It sounds bad. It is sometimes very rude. It mostly needs to stop, but what is the root cause of such an intense reaction and the need to cause such a reaction, such as trying to reenact or cause situations like those on AFV. I wish I knew what he was thinking. Is it something scary or is it nerves?
Showing posts with label autism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label autism. Show all posts
Friday, January 11, 2013
Friday, March 30, 2012
Keep right on a Rollin'
I am going to have to check out the ingredients for another fast food restaurant. Earlier this week the guys stopped to get something to eat. They believed that they carefully ordered for Gabe. Yet later that day Gabe was very silly and argumentative. It was almost impossible for anyone in the house to have a conversation without Gabe showing up to argue about whatever was being said. His arguments were totally ridiculous. He would say things like, "Hey Mom, don't call Fred..." and then he would use a word or two that he just heard us saying. These words would be totally random words from our conversation. He would also but in saying things like, "No it's not" or "leave her alone, she doesn't want to do that" or some other crazy comment that had nothing to do with the current conversation.
It was impossible to say things like, "please add that to the grocery list. I'm going to stop at the store tomorrow." This comment was made to Angel, but Gabe butted in saying, "just leave her alone Susan, she's not hurting you."
After a good nights sleep the arguing stopped but Gabe reverted to old patterns of just repeating movie lines over and over. While this has never totally gone away, there is usually significantly less than we've had the past few days. Gabe has been stuck in repeat mode for a few days now.
To top it off, Gabe has heard Fred's alarm going off twice this week. It plays the theme from Rawhide over and over until it is shut off. The first time Fred had gotten up a few minutes before it went off. His bedroom is just off of the kitchen where Gabe was eating breakfast. Fred had run outside to quickly move his car out of my way so Gabe and I could leave for school in a few minutes. The theme kept playing on some electronic device that I am not going to touch. "Shut that off!" Gabe demanded.
"It's not that loud. Just eat and we will leave." I said.
"But it's hurting my ears!" he said. Since he wasn't making a motion to cover his ears as he sometimes does I decided that he was just complaining so he would have something to say. I think that more than half of his complaining is just to have something to say. His body language shows when something is really bad. Yes the repeating song was a bit annoying - just live with it. It's only a few minutes. Learn to cope.
A few mornings later Fred was in bed. He had left his bag in the kitchen, under Gabe's chair of all places. Soon the alarm began to play. I knocked on Fred's door to let him know it was going off. Within a minute he came out to get it.
"Turn that thing off!" Gabe demanded. "It just keeps repeating."
"You're a fine one to complain about things repeating," Fred answered as he turned off the alarm.
It was impossible to say things like, "please add that to the grocery list. I'm going to stop at the store tomorrow." This comment was made to Angel, but Gabe butted in saying, "just leave her alone Susan, she's not hurting you."
After a good nights sleep the arguing stopped but Gabe reverted to old patterns of just repeating movie lines over and over. While this has never totally gone away, there is usually significantly less than we've had the past few days. Gabe has been stuck in repeat mode for a few days now.
To top it off, Gabe has heard Fred's alarm going off twice this week. It plays the theme from Rawhide over and over until it is shut off. The first time Fred had gotten up a few minutes before it went off. His bedroom is just off of the kitchen where Gabe was eating breakfast. Fred had run outside to quickly move his car out of my way so Gabe and I could leave for school in a few minutes. The theme kept playing on some electronic device that I am not going to touch. "Shut that off!" Gabe demanded.
"It's not that loud. Just eat and we will leave." I said.
"But it's hurting my ears!" he said. Since he wasn't making a motion to cover his ears as he sometimes does I decided that he was just complaining so he would have something to say. I think that more than half of his complaining is just to have something to say. His body language shows when something is really bad. Yes the repeating song was a bit annoying - just live with it. It's only a few minutes. Learn to cope.
A few mornings later Fred was in bed. He had left his bag in the kitchen, under Gabe's chair of all places. Soon the alarm began to play. I knocked on Fred's door to let him know it was going off. Within a minute he came out to get it.
"Turn that thing off!" Gabe demanded. "It just keeps repeating."
"You're a fine one to complain about things repeating," Fred answered as he turned off the alarm.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Don't touch the monkeys
It is time for family worship. Gave has showered and is wearing green fleece PJ's with monkeys all over them. Angel has decided that she will read from the Bible tonight. She sets Maree on the couch beside Gabe. Maree's latest goals have been trying to move her body from position A to position B. She is making progress. As she sits on the couch a little more than her arm's length from Gabe he is watching her intently. As she reaches for one of the monkeys on his shirt she falls toward him. It is really just a little slide on the couch. "Get her off! She grabbing me," Gabe says with urgency in his voice.
"She's just touching you a little," Angel says as she lifts Maree off of Gabe and sets her back up. Angel resumes reading but soon Maree is reaching for Gabe's PJ's.
"She's touching me!," Gabe says again.
"You will be Okay," I say to him.
"Angel, Maree is touching me, she's gonna get my arm. She just hit me. Just get her now," Gabe sounds a bit more pushy.
"She didn't hit you," Angel says to Gabe. "Those were just love pats. They are really soft.."
Gabe still has trouble telling the difference between little pats, taps, bumps and big bad hits. He tattles on it all.
"She's just touching you a little," Angel says as she lifts Maree off of Gabe and sets her back up. Angel resumes reading but soon Maree is reaching for Gabe's PJ's.
"She's touching me!," Gabe says again.
"You will be Okay," I say to him.
"Angel, Maree is touching me, she's gonna get my arm. She just hit me. Just get her now," Gabe sounds a bit more pushy.
"She didn't hit you," Angel says to Gabe. "Those were just love pats. They are really soft.."
Gabe still has trouble telling the difference between little pats, taps, bumps and big bad hits. He tattles on it all.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
The spoon
Every school morning I pack Gabe's lunch while he eats breakfast. I take out the dishes from the day before and make sure the pack is clean. Every time I take out yesterday's spoon Gabe demands, "put that back!" I have told him repeatedly that I will put a clean one in. Yet we have to go through this every day. He used to do it with the sandwich box too, but stopped that. He just won't stop with the spoon though.
Just Drop It already!
"Why did you break the green plate?" Gabe suddenly demands in an accusing tone. For a moment I have no idea what he is talking about. Then I realize that he is talking about my green mixing bowl. I accidentally knocked one of my favorite bowls off of the counter last week. It shattered when it hit the floor. I really don't want to be reminded of this unfortunate event.Gabe begins to lecture me, but I cut him off quickly.
"That is enough. You will not mention the green bowl again." I say. It is not his job to lecture or discipline me. About a minute later he is ready for a second helping of the beans and chips that we are having for dinner. "Susan, please get me some more beans." Gabe asks in a somewhat demanding tone.
"In a minute," I say.
"I said now!" Gabe responds in a demanding tone.
"Excuse me. I have been working all afternoon while you have been playing." "SO," Gabe buts in. "So I am going to sit here and enjoy my food before I get up again."
"Do it now," he persists.
"I will get them in a minute," I respond. Gabe continues to whine about seconds every 10 -15 seconds.
This day has sure had it's ups and downs. It started out rough. Gabe began arguing and whining as soon as he got out of bed. He was upset and confused because we were going to the doctor - for me. I had an inflamed cyst removed from my back. Then we were dropping Angel off at the dentist and continuing a few blocks down the street for an intake appointment for counseling for Gabe. He repeatedly asked the same questions and said the same things. "I have no school? You going to the doctor for your back? You can't go to the doctor! I'm going to the doctor not you! I'm going with Dad on Wed and you can't go! I already did eat breakfast! (Not one bite yet) Why do I have to eat breakfast? You didn't give me my pill. Why do I have to take my pill?" All of these statements or arguments are said with a clearly defined whine or as demands and each was stated several times. While I'm trying to get him to come to the table and eat (we have to leave in a few minutes and all of the arguing has put us behind) he is putting on a pair of thin cloth shoes that Angel gave him. He has been told to put his boots on after breakfast, but he is determined to wear the shoes. "Angel said I could. She said I have to!" Angel has not said anything to him about the shoes.
"There is snow on the ground and you need to wear boots." I say. "Those cloth shoes will not keep your feet dry today. When they get wet, they will be cold."
"So!" is his response.
Finally we get out the door. As we pull in the parking lot of the doctor's office Gabe exclaims, "This is not the hospital!"
"It's my doctor," I explain.
"No it's not!" he argues. I ignore this statement as we get out of the van. At the doctor's office he is sweet and polite. He helps Angel carry Maree's bag. He also becomes very concerned for me. I have an infected cyst on my back. It was a sore on his mom DJ's back that put her in the hospital where she died. (The 'sore' was actually cancer that was all through her body. Gabe does not understand the difference between big and little hurts). I assure Gabe that I will be okay. The doctor is going to cut out the sore and it will hurt for a few more days and then it will be gone. As we leave the office Gabe needs to know if I got a shot. "Oh yes, about 4 or 5 of them," (numbing) I tell him. "But I'm just fine." Gabe is afraid of shots. I want him to know that people just get them and then go on. Everything is okay.
Next we dropped Angel off for her dentist appointment. As we pull away Gabe notices that Maree is still in the van. "She forgot the baby," he says in a panic.
"Remember, Maree is going with us," I remind him. "She can't go in to the dentist."
"Just give Angel her baby back now!" Gabe demands.
"She's with us," I say as I am driving. A few blocks from the dentist is Taco Bell. I quickly change the topic as it comes into view. "Would you like a snack. One thing from Taco Bell?" Breakfast was quick and light. Given the number of things we are going to do today, lunch will be late. At Taco Bell Gabe can have a crunchy taco with beans lettuce and rice. No gluten or dairy. He loves tacos.
At Gabe's counseling appointment he is once again very helpful with Maree. He carried her bag and even held her for a few moments a couple of times while I dug out paperwork. He can only hold her for a few minutes at a time. She wiggles to much and he starts to loose her. He does not have the co ordination or the thought process to figure out how to reposition her without dropping her. He wants to help, but he does not want her to cry. It is only a few blocks from Angel's dentist so we are expecting her to show up during the appointment. When Angel shows up to get baby Maree, Gabe wants to go with her. He does not want to stay in the room with the counselor. However, he stays without argument.
After the appointment we stop at the store. Gabe just wants to go home. He whines about shopping for groceries. Soon we are on our way home. Honestly, shopping is so much easier without him. He hangs on the cart in such a way that it is hard to steer or go around to the next aisle without running him over. He whines when I ask him to let go. I am trying to teach him to walk a few steps behind me. This is hard for him. He has such a 'me first' attitude that he always want to be out in front leading, even if he doesn't know where we are going.
At home he is calm until supper time. Then it starts all over.
"That is enough. You will not mention the green bowl again." I say. It is not his job to lecture or discipline me. About a minute later he is ready for a second helping of the beans and chips that we are having for dinner. "Susan, please get me some more beans." Gabe asks in a somewhat demanding tone.
"In a minute," I say.
"I said now!" Gabe responds in a demanding tone.
"Excuse me. I have been working all afternoon while you have been playing." "SO," Gabe buts in. "So I am going to sit here and enjoy my food before I get up again."
"Do it now," he persists.
"I will get them in a minute," I respond. Gabe continues to whine about seconds every 10 -15 seconds.
This day has sure had it's ups and downs. It started out rough. Gabe began arguing and whining as soon as he got out of bed. He was upset and confused because we were going to the doctor - for me. I had an inflamed cyst removed from my back. Then we were dropping Angel off at the dentist and continuing a few blocks down the street for an intake appointment for counseling for Gabe. He repeatedly asked the same questions and said the same things. "I have no school? You going to the doctor for your back? You can't go to the doctor! I'm going to the doctor not you! I'm going with Dad on Wed and you can't go! I already did eat breakfast! (Not one bite yet) Why do I have to eat breakfast? You didn't give me my pill. Why do I have to take my pill?" All of these statements or arguments are said with a clearly defined whine or as demands and each was stated several times. While I'm trying to get him to come to the table and eat (we have to leave in a few minutes and all of the arguing has put us behind) he is putting on a pair of thin cloth shoes that Angel gave him. He has been told to put his boots on after breakfast, but he is determined to wear the shoes. "Angel said I could. She said I have to!" Angel has not said anything to him about the shoes.
"There is snow on the ground and you need to wear boots." I say. "Those cloth shoes will not keep your feet dry today. When they get wet, they will be cold."
"So!" is his response.
Finally we get out the door. As we pull in the parking lot of the doctor's office Gabe exclaims, "This is not the hospital!"
"It's my doctor," I explain.
"No it's not!" he argues. I ignore this statement as we get out of the van. At the doctor's office he is sweet and polite. He helps Angel carry Maree's bag. He also becomes very concerned for me. I have an infected cyst on my back. It was a sore on his mom DJ's back that put her in the hospital where she died. (The 'sore' was actually cancer that was all through her body. Gabe does not understand the difference between big and little hurts). I assure Gabe that I will be okay. The doctor is going to cut out the sore and it will hurt for a few more days and then it will be gone. As we leave the office Gabe needs to know if I got a shot. "Oh yes, about 4 or 5 of them," (numbing) I tell him. "But I'm just fine." Gabe is afraid of shots. I want him to know that people just get them and then go on. Everything is okay.
Next we dropped Angel off for her dentist appointment. As we pull away Gabe notices that Maree is still in the van. "She forgot the baby," he says in a panic.
"Remember, Maree is going with us," I remind him. "She can't go in to the dentist."
"Just give Angel her baby back now!" Gabe demands.
"She's with us," I say as I am driving. A few blocks from the dentist is Taco Bell. I quickly change the topic as it comes into view. "Would you like a snack. One thing from Taco Bell?" Breakfast was quick and light. Given the number of things we are going to do today, lunch will be late. At Taco Bell Gabe can have a crunchy taco with beans lettuce and rice. No gluten or dairy. He loves tacos.
At Gabe's counseling appointment he is once again very helpful with Maree. He carried her bag and even held her for a few moments a couple of times while I dug out paperwork. He can only hold her for a few minutes at a time. She wiggles to much and he starts to loose her. He does not have the co ordination or the thought process to figure out how to reposition her without dropping her. He wants to help, but he does not want her to cry. It is only a few blocks from Angel's dentist so we are expecting her to show up during the appointment. When Angel shows up to get baby Maree, Gabe wants to go with her. He does not want to stay in the room with the counselor. However, he stays without argument.
After the appointment we stop at the store. Gabe just wants to go home. He whines about shopping for groceries. Soon we are on our way home. Honestly, shopping is so much easier without him. He hangs on the cart in such a way that it is hard to steer or go around to the next aisle without running him over. He whines when I ask him to let go. I am trying to teach him to walk a few steps behind me. This is hard for him. He has such a 'me first' attitude that he always want to be out in front leading, even if he doesn't know where we are going.
At home he is calm until supper time. Then it starts all over.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Wipe out
Gabe absolutely loves the TV show Wipeout. Watching people fall makes him laugh like crazy. This bothers me a bit. Yes they show it and make fun of the contestants, but it is the way that Gabe laughs and the fact that when we are somewhere else, he will laugh the same way if someone falls or drops something. It that setting it is very rude. I don't let him watch Wipeout all of the time. He has to promise to be good and to get out of bed the next morning without issue. No sassy rude comments or he will not get to watch Wipeout the next time that it is on. It is one thing to laugh at things people have taped just for the fun of it to make people laugh. It is another thing to laugh and/or be very rude during or for hours after the show. It seems that the sillier the show is, the more rude behavior we see for a day or more afterward. For this reason we limit these types of shows.
On a totally different note, while Gabe was watching the show tonight he kept talking about when he played Wipe out. He wanted to know if he could do it again now. Can we go there? Well the answer to that is quite simple. It is not there right now.
Last summer during a neighborhood event that we were involved in I rented Inflatable Fun. At first Gabe wouldn't try any of it. Then for some reason he decided that we were playing Wipe Out and he got in line for turn after turn. He is so sure that he was on Wipeout. Any attempts to tell him different were met with argument.
On a totally different note, while Gabe was watching the show tonight he kept talking about when he played Wipe out. He wanted to know if he could do it again now. Can we go there? Well the answer to that is quite simple. It is not there right now.
Last summer during a neighborhood event that we were involved in I rented Inflatable Fun. At first Gabe wouldn't try any of it. Then for some reason he decided that we were playing Wipe Out and he got in line for turn after turn. He is so sure that he was on Wipeout. Any attempts to tell him different were met with argument.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Beautiful Day
Today was a beautiful autumn day. Gabe was up bright and early. For some reason I was incredibly tired and wanted to sleep in much longer than usual. Gabe came into my room and asked for clothes. I handed him clothes and laid right back down. He dressed and came back asking for pancakes. "I am really tired and need to sleep longer," I said. "Please play in your room for a while and I will make pancakes when I get up."
He said okay and went back to his room. He stayed there quietly until I got up. He was so peaceful and sweet this morning. After breakfast Gabe wanted a movie. I told him that chore come first. "It's a beautiful day and there are plenty of leaves to rake."
He did question the leaf raking but was not too sassy and rude about it. He went out of the door saying that he would get every leaf raked and then come back for the movie. A while later I went out. Gabe was busy raking. He had giant piles of leaves that he was trying to move towards the woods. I got the yard cart and went to help him. He questioned what I was doing. When I explained he was happy to work with me. We moved several cart loads (12 -15) of leaves into the woods. I complimented him on how well we were able to work as a team. He raked for over an hour. I let him take a break and watch the movie that he wanted.
Later in the afternoon Dirk got out the leaf blower. Gabe wanted to use it. It is a small electric one. Gabe moved many leaves with it. He made great progress once he got the leaves headed the right way. He did whine a bit when I first asked for a turn for just a few minutes. I was hoping that he would watch me and figure out how to get the leaves going correctly. He did watch, and he did much better afterward. He worked for a few more hours. If he had been totally effective in his efforts the yard would be well done. As it is, a major section of it is pretty well done.
All in all, it was a good day.
He said okay and went back to his room. He stayed there quietly until I got up. He was so peaceful and sweet this morning. After breakfast Gabe wanted a movie. I told him that chore come first. "It's a beautiful day and there are plenty of leaves to rake."
He did question the leaf raking but was not too sassy and rude about it. He went out of the door saying that he would get every leaf raked and then come back for the movie. A while later I went out. Gabe was busy raking. He had giant piles of leaves that he was trying to move towards the woods. I got the yard cart and went to help him. He questioned what I was doing. When I explained he was happy to work with me. We moved several cart loads (12 -15) of leaves into the woods. I complimented him on how well we were able to work as a team. He raked for over an hour. I let him take a break and watch the movie that he wanted.
Later in the afternoon Dirk got out the leaf blower. Gabe wanted to use it. It is a small electric one. Gabe moved many leaves with it. He made great progress once he got the leaves headed the right way. He did whine a bit when I first asked for a turn for just a few minutes. I was hoping that he would watch me and figure out how to get the leaves going correctly. He did watch, and he did much better afterward. He worked for a few more hours. If he had been totally effective in his efforts the yard would be well done. As it is, a major section of it is pretty well done.
All in all, it was a good day.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Big bad mouth
How can a kid be so sweet and good one day and so rotten and nasty the next? Yesterday Gabe was sweet and loving most of the day. He woke up this morning still in a relatively good mood, but with in a short time it really went down hill.
The day was filled with many ridiculous comments, arguments and mean words. Gabe is asked to do chores on many, but not all days. One of the chores that he is able to do is sweep the stairs. This is not a hard job. It involves a small soft brush and a dust pan.
This morning I tell him that the stairs need swept. "Do I have to?" he whines.
"Yes, please do."
"Why do I have to sweep the stairs?" he whines. This time a bit of sassy argumentative tone also comes into his voice.
"Because they need it and it is your job," I tell him.
"Guards arrest this woman!" he shouts. "She should be taken to prison now. It's because of you Susan! Dad said I don't have to!" All of this is said in a very angry tone.
"You need to calm down and sweep the stairs," I say.
"I'm telling Dad. What have you done with him? Where did you take him?" More angry demands.
"You know he went camping and will be back later today."
"It's because of you," he scowls. "You are so mean to me."
"Stop talking and sweep the stairs before you get into trouble," I say. Gabe thrusts his face at me with his teeth barred much like an angry dog. "Enough, now sweep." I use a stern tone.
Gabe swipes at the stairs getting about half of the dust. All of the corners have been missed. This is the usual way it goes with him. "I'm done and you can't stop me!" he says very rudely.
"Let's check to see if all of the dirt is gone," I say. "The point of sweeping to to get rid of the dirt." I began to point to a few of the missed areas.
"Will you just leave me alone," Gabe waves the dust pan in my face.
"Put the dustpan down and listen," I say. At this point I am choosing to keep my voice very even.
"Just go away." shoulder and elbow up towards me, "I'm getting it.
"You had better get it all. I will che...." Gabe interrupts again with a bunch of nonsense yelling at me. "Stop talking," I say. "All that is coming out of your mouth is very rude this morning."
"But you.." he starts in an accusing tone.
"Enough! No more talking. Sweep and think about using nice words."
"But you are being mean to me." He still argues pointing his finger.
"Quiet and put your hand down." I turn and walk away quickly. I do not want to continue arguing. What has brought this on, I wonder.
As the day progressed there were several nonsense arguments and accusations. One of them involved a movie that he has watched too many times recently. Gabe keeps asking me if my dad likes a certain imaginary object from this movie. I tell him that Grandpa doesn't watch TV or movies. "Just answer me now! I said does your dad like ...? "
"Grandpa is my dad, and he hasn't watched that movie."
"No! Grandpa is MINE!" Gabe butts right in. "I had him first! I SAID, does your dad like...?"
"No he doesn't!" I say.
"I SAID, does your" Gabe is shouting. This time I butt in, "DO NOT ask that question again! It does not make any sense. You have not listened to anything that I am tel.."
Gabe shouts, "I SAID.."
"Close your mouth!" I demand. "You are done talking for a while. Not another word." Gabe has asked and asked that same ridiculous question several times already today. He kept asking it several times a few days ago. I have already told him that he cannot ask it again, because there is no real answer to it. This has not stopped him from asking and getting nastier each time. What is printed here is the short version. It has gone on and on.
After being told that it is a nice day and he cannot watch a movie at this time, Gabe storms out of the house. "I can if I want!" he shouts as he goes out of the door.
About 10 minutes later I finish the task that I am working on in the house. There is much yard work to do. Gabe has been instructed that since he is the teenage boy in the household, it is his job to rake the leaves. It is a big yard and I know that he can't do it all. It has rained much of the week, but has been nice for 2 days now. No raking happened yesterday so there is much to do today. I decide that I am going to rake for a while today. Gabe is swinging on the tree swing when I enter the yard. "You can't come out!" he shouts. I have already gone several rounds with him today that have included instruction and time standing by the wall. I decide to act as if I haven't heard. I pick up the rake and begin to rake a little way from where he is sitting. "Do not touch that rake," he yells. "I said put it down now!"
At this point I drop the rake and go to where he is. "OK," I say, "if I'm not going to rake these leaves then you are. The job needs done and someone has to do it."
Gabe looks shocked. He has been so busy making demands that he has not thought through what he is saying. "But I just can't. I'm having a stroke," he argues. I have no idea where he has heard about strokes. He grabs his chest, "See it's a stroke right here." I do not know whether to laugh or scream.
"Go get the rake and get busy." The ridiculous arguments continue for a few more rounds with him coming up with bizarre excuses and me replying with "rake the leaves." Finally I say, "Not another word. Rake!" And then I walked away.
These are just a few of the ridiculous things that went on today. It went all day long. When the guys got home Gabe started right in with them. I could hear him outside making all kinds of crazy demands and insisting that I said he could do it. The thing that he was arguing most about was a party that he decided was going on somewhere and he had to go. In reality there was not party to go to. He continued to insist, "Mom said I could." He had gone through this with me earlier in the day but it was "Dad said I could. He's going to take me." No amount of explaining would convince him. He ended up facing the wall again. But nothing stopped him from talking nonsense, making crazy demands and saying rude things. Even as he was headed for bed he was announcing, "I have no school tomorrow. I'm not going."
"Believe me, there is school and you are going." I feel bad for the sub teacher that will be there, but then tomorrow is a whole other day and we could be back on sweet and nice. I hope we are for that sub teachers sake, not to mention my peace of mind.
The day was filled with many ridiculous comments, arguments and mean words. Gabe is asked to do chores on many, but not all days. One of the chores that he is able to do is sweep the stairs. This is not a hard job. It involves a small soft brush and a dust pan.
This morning I tell him that the stairs need swept. "Do I have to?" he whines.
"Yes, please do."
"Why do I have to sweep the stairs?" he whines. This time a bit of sassy argumentative tone also comes into his voice.
"Because they need it and it is your job," I tell him.
"Guards arrest this woman!" he shouts. "She should be taken to prison now. It's because of you Susan! Dad said I don't have to!" All of this is said in a very angry tone.
"You need to calm down and sweep the stairs," I say.
"I'm telling Dad. What have you done with him? Where did you take him?" More angry demands.
"You know he went camping and will be back later today."
"It's because of you," he scowls. "You are so mean to me."
"Stop talking and sweep the stairs before you get into trouble," I say. Gabe thrusts his face at me with his teeth barred much like an angry dog. "Enough, now sweep." I use a stern tone.
Gabe swipes at the stairs getting about half of the dust. All of the corners have been missed. This is the usual way it goes with him. "I'm done and you can't stop me!" he says very rudely.
"Let's check to see if all of the dirt is gone," I say. "The point of sweeping to to get rid of the dirt." I began to point to a few of the missed areas.
"Will you just leave me alone," Gabe waves the dust pan in my face.
"Put the dustpan down and listen," I say. At this point I am choosing to keep my voice very even.
"Just go away." shoulder and elbow up towards me, "I'm getting it.
"You had better get it all. I will che...." Gabe interrupts again with a bunch of nonsense yelling at me. "Stop talking," I say. "All that is coming out of your mouth is very rude this morning."
"But you.." he starts in an accusing tone.
"Enough! No more talking. Sweep and think about using nice words."
"But you are being mean to me." He still argues pointing his finger.
"Quiet and put your hand down." I turn and walk away quickly. I do not want to continue arguing. What has brought this on, I wonder.
As the day progressed there were several nonsense arguments and accusations. One of them involved a movie that he has watched too many times recently. Gabe keeps asking me if my dad likes a certain imaginary object from this movie. I tell him that Grandpa doesn't watch TV or movies. "Just answer me now! I said does your dad like ...? "
"Grandpa is my dad, and he hasn't watched that movie."
"No! Grandpa is MINE!" Gabe butts right in. "I had him first! I SAID, does your dad like...?"
"No he doesn't!" I say.
"I SAID, does your" Gabe is shouting. This time I butt in, "DO NOT ask that question again! It does not make any sense. You have not listened to anything that I am tel.."
Gabe shouts, "I SAID.."
"Close your mouth!" I demand. "You are done talking for a while. Not another word." Gabe has asked and asked that same ridiculous question several times already today. He kept asking it several times a few days ago. I have already told him that he cannot ask it again, because there is no real answer to it. This has not stopped him from asking and getting nastier each time. What is printed here is the short version. It has gone on and on.
After being told that it is a nice day and he cannot watch a movie at this time, Gabe storms out of the house. "I can if I want!" he shouts as he goes out of the door.
About 10 minutes later I finish the task that I am working on in the house. There is much yard work to do. Gabe has been instructed that since he is the teenage boy in the household, it is his job to rake the leaves. It is a big yard and I know that he can't do it all. It has rained much of the week, but has been nice for 2 days now. No raking happened yesterday so there is much to do today. I decide that I am going to rake for a while today. Gabe is swinging on the tree swing when I enter the yard. "You can't come out!" he shouts. I have already gone several rounds with him today that have included instruction and time standing by the wall. I decide to act as if I haven't heard. I pick up the rake and begin to rake a little way from where he is sitting. "Do not touch that rake," he yells. "I said put it down now!"
At this point I drop the rake and go to where he is. "OK," I say, "if I'm not going to rake these leaves then you are. The job needs done and someone has to do it."
Gabe looks shocked. He has been so busy making demands that he has not thought through what he is saying. "But I just can't. I'm having a stroke," he argues. I have no idea where he has heard about strokes. He grabs his chest, "See it's a stroke right here." I do not know whether to laugh or scream.
"Go get the rake and get busy." The ridiculous arguments continue for a few more rounds with him coming up with bizarre excuses and me replying with "rake the leaves." Finally I say, "Not another word. Rake!" And then I walked away.
These are just a few of the ridiculous things that went on today. It went all day long. When the guys got home Gabe started right in with them. I could hear him outside making all kinds of crazy demands and insisting that I said he could do it. The thing that he was arguing most about was a party that he decided was going on somewhere and he had to go. In reality there was not party to go to. He continued to insist, "Mom said I could." He had gone through this with me earlier in the day but it was "Dad said I could. He's going to take me." No amount of explaining would convince him. He ended up facing the wall again. But nothing stopped him from talking nonsense, making crazy demands and saying rude things. Even as he was headed for bed he was announcing, "I have no school tomorrow. I'm not going."
"Believe me, there is school and you are going." I feel bad for the sub teacher that will be there, but then tomorrow is a whole other day and we could be back on sweet and nice. I hope we are for that sub teachers sake, not to mention my peace of mind.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Yesterday
Gabe was playing outside. Suddenly he ran down the driveway and knocked on the door.
"Come in," I called. "You live here." Gabe still knocks sometimes instead of just coming in. When he was little his parents repeatedly reminded him that you knock when you go to someone's house, you don't just charge right in. He visited us many times in his early years, with many reminders to knock. Now sometimes he still knocks and won't come in until someone opens the door.
Gabe continued knocking. I decided to just go open the door. There he stood with 3 small twigs with bright red leaves on them. "I've brought you flowers!" he exclaimed in a flamboyant way.
"Well thank you!" I said, trying not to laugh.
After giving me a big hug he said, "Now go put them in water on the kitchen table before they die."
I debated informing him that they were leaves or just going along with the flowers thing. I decided to just go ahead and put them in water.
"Come in," I called. "You live here." Gabe still knocks sometimes instead of just coming in. When he was little his parents repeatedly reminded him that you knock when you go to someone's house, you don't just charge right in. He visited us many times in his early years, with many reminders to knock. Now sometimes he still knocks and won't come in until someone opens the door.
Gabe continued knocking. I decided to just go open the door. There he stood with 3 small twigs with bright red leaves on them. "I've brought you flowers!" he exclaimed in a flamboyant way.
"Well thank you!" I said, trying not to laugh.
After giving me a big hug he said, "Now go put them in water on the kitchen table before they die."
I debated informing him that they were leaves or just going along with the flowers thing. I decided to just go ahead and put them in water.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Who kicked me?
The other day we were at a restaurant. We were sitting in a booth. Gabe was seated across from me. He got up to get more salad. When he came back he ever so lightly bumped my foot as he got in.
"Hey, why did you kick me?" he demanded.
"I didn't kick you. My foot was still." I said.
"I'm telling Dad. She kicked me!," Gabe says to Dirk. In all of his moving around Gabe bumps my foot again. "She just kicked me again!" he exclaims.
"I have not moved my foot," I said. "You are moving around and have just barely bumped my foot. I wouldn't even say anything about it except you are making up stuff about me."
"She kicked me, " Gabe continued. He said it several times. "Arrest her."
"Listen, " Dirk said. "You have to know the difference between being kicked and a light bump. No one kicked you. You bumped her." This conversation cycles through a few more times before Gabe gives up his accusations and eats.
We go through these types of conversations daily. On a really good once in a blue moon day, we manage to get by without one of these types of conversations. Most days have a few of them. Really bad days, the nonsense will go off and on for hours. Sometimes the accusations come out of thin air. Nothing has happened, Gabe is just accusing. He can be so cute and sweet one minute and then suddenly very argumentative the next minute.
After Gabe calmed down about the foot incident, he just kept looking out of the window and giggling. There seemed to be nothing in particular out there. Whatever it was, he found it funny. He was so cute about it.
However, on the way out of the restaurant, Gabe announces that Angel can't ride with us. "There's just no room."
"I bought this van. It is mine. I like to share my van. Because I am sharing, there is lots of room for Angel." I wanted to model sharing for Gabe. He still whines if anyone touches his stuff. He can also be very grabby and quickly claims anything that he sees that he likes. We have heard way too many selfish "MINE" incidents. I have made a conscious decision to verbally share.
"Hey, why did you kick me?" he demanded.
"I didn't kick you. My foot was still." I said.
"I'm telling Dad. She kicked me!," Gabe says to Dirk. In all of his moving around Gabe bumps my foot again. "She just kicked me again!" he exclaims.
"I have not moved my foot," I said. "You are moving around and have just barely bumped my foot. I wouldn't even say anything about it except you are making up stuff about me."
"She kicked me, " Gabe continued. He said it several times. "Arrest her."
"Listen, " Dirk said. "You have to know the difference between being kicked and a light bump. No one kicked you. You bumped her." This conversation cycles through a few more times before Gabe gives up his accusations and eats.
We go through these types of conversations daily. On a really good once in a blue moon day, we manage to get by without one of these types of conversations. Most days have a few of them. Really bad days, the nonsense will go off and on for hours. Sometimes the accusations come out of thin air. Nothing has happened, Gabe is just accusing. He can be so cute and sweet one minute and then suddenly very argumentative the next minute.
After Gabe calmed down about the foot incident, he just kept looking out of the window and giggling. There seemed to be nothing in particular out there. Whatever it was, he found it funny. He was so cute about it.
However, on the way out of the restaurant, Gabe announces that Angel can't ride with us. "There's just no room."
"I bought this van. It is mine. I like to share my van. Because I am sharing, there is lots of room for Angel." I wanted to model sharing for Gabe. He still whines if anyone touches his stuff. He can also be very grabby and quickly claims anything that he sees that he likes. We have heard way too many selfish "MINE" incidents. I have made a conscious decision to verbally share.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Saving Angel
Angel was in the hospital about to deliver her first baby when Gabe arrived. He had gone camping for the weekend with Dirk and Fred, but the trip was cut short when I called and said that we were headed to the hospital.
It was now midnight as they arrived. Gabe was tired and concerned. He had been waiting and waiting for weeks now for someone to 'get the baby out of Angel'. As soon as they arrived he demanded to see her and the baby. I told him that the baby was not here yet and that they did not allow children in the room where she was. I said, "You need to go to Grandma's and get some sleep. The baby will be here in the morning."
"I need to see here now!" her demanded.
Just then a cousin who had been back in the room with Angel came out and said, "She's getting the epidural."
Another cousin who was there in the waiting room said loudly, "Oh, she's getting the BIG needle!"
This really set Gabe off. He HATES needles. He began crying and really begging to go save Angel from the needle. "They're not going to hurt her!?"
"She is going to get something that makes sure that she doesn't hurt," I looked for the best wording on the spur of the moment. Gabe's mother went to the hospital and died and now she doesn't hurt anymore. I did not want to say anything that would worry him more.
"I have to see her," he whined.
"It will be hours of waiting," I said. "It will go much faster if you are sleeping at Grandma's. I promise that you can see here tomorrow after you sleep at Grandma's. I will come and get you."
"I can hold the baby?" "Probably," I answer.
After several rounds of this whole conversation, Gabe left with an aunt to go to Grandma's. He was still whining and saying, "They're not going to hurt her? & I get to hold the baby tomorrow." repeatedly as they left.
It was now midnight as they arrived. Gabe was tired and concerned. He had been waiting and waiting for weeks now for someone to 'get the baby out of Angel'. As soon as they arrived he demanded to see her and the baby. I told him that the baby was not here yet and that they did not allow children in the room where she was. I said, "You need to go to Grandma's and get some sleep. The baby will be here in the morning."
"I need to see here now!" her demanded.
Just then a cousin who had been back in the room with Angel came out and said, "She's getting the epidural."
Another cousin who was there in the waiting room said loudly, "Oh, she's getting the BIG needle!"
This really set Gabe off. He HATES needles. He began crying and really begging to go save Angel from the needle. "They're not going to hurt her!?"
"She is going to get something that makes sure that she doesn't hurt," I looked for the best wording on the spur of the moment. Gabe's mother went to the hospital and died and now she doesn't hurt anymore. I did not want to say anything that would worry him more.
"I have to see her," he whined.
"It will be hours of waiting," I said. "It will go much faster if you are sleeping at Grandma's. I promise that you can see here tomorrow after you sleep at Grandma's. I will come and get you."
"I can hold the baby?" "Probably," I answer.
After several rounds of this whole conversation, Gabe left with an aunt to go to Grandma's. He was still whining and saying, "They're not going to hurt her? & I get to hold the baby tomorrow." repeatedly as they left.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Why cry over clean sheets?
Why must Gabe cry every time I wash his bedding? I have thought about sneaking to wash it, but that is not always possible. I work school days. Besides I think he needs to learn to handle it.
Washing the sheet is not so bad. He has started to get used to that and only whines and asks if I will give it back. The problem comes with washing blankets. I noticed that one of his blankets smelled BAD. I told him that I was going to wash it. His response was, "No, it's mine." A short while later I went to get the blanket.
"It's time to wash it," I said. He started crying and demanding that I give it back. No amount of explaining helps. In fact, it seems to make things worse.
To make matters worse, Gabe sleeps with a pile of stuffed animals. I have tried to keep all of these critters out of his bed with a few exceptions. He just goes and gets them all and puts them back in. Well, some of those stuffed animals smelled bad too. They need a 'bath' in the washer. They will be back by bed time. This brought on a full melt down! There was much wailing and many rude comments.He would not listen to anything I said, so I gave up explaining and walked out of the room.
The laundry always comes back!
Washing the sheet is not so bad. He has started to get used to that and only whines and asks if I will give it back. The problem comes with washing blankets. I noticed that one of his blankets smelled BAD. I told him that I was going to wash it. His response was, "No, it's mine." A short while later I went to get the blanket.
"It's time to wash it," I said. He started crying and demanding that I give it back. No amount of explaining helps. In fact, it seems to make things worse.
To make matters worse, Gabe sleeps with a pile of stuffed animals. I have tried to keep all of these critters out of his bed with a few exceptions. He just goes and gets them all and puts them back in. Well, some of those stuffed animals smelled bad too. They need a 'bath' in the washer. They will be back by bed time. This brought on a full melt down! There was much wailing and many rude comments.He would not listen to anything I said, so I gave up explaining and walked out of the room.
The laundry always comes back!
Monday, August 29, 2011
New School - again
The day before Gabe started Middle school, he stayed in bed until after 1 p.m. I began to worry that something was wrong. Finally I went in. He was buried under a blanket. "Are you awake?" I asked very softly.
"Go away! I don't have to go to school today!" he growled.
I realized that he was hiding. I went on about my business of putting away clean clothes. "Get out I said," he demanded as he sat up.
"I'm just putting clothes away," I told him. After about 10 minutes he got out of bed. He was already dressed. Angel told me that he got up much earlier while I was out for a morning walk and got dressed. Then he got right back into bed.
Later in the day we went to WalMart to get a new lunch box among other things. Gabe is grieving over the departure of his old lunch box. The zipper was not working well by the end of last year. Even though we cleaned it before storing it, it was covered in mildew when we got it out. It has to go. This is an unhappy day.
In WalMart the first thing we go to is the lunch boxes. They have dark blue ones the same color as his old one but a different style and ones the same style as his old one but green instead. Gabe grabs a blue one and declares, "Just like my old one." I start to show him the green one but he is not even going to look. I give up quickly. He's happy with the one he grabbed. No reason to look for trouble. He insists on carrying it through the store. "It's mine!"
As we walk through WalMart Gabe says, "Save money, Live better, WalMart" about once each minute. He's so stressed today that I decide not to try to stop him. He is really trying to be good today. Often, when he repeats a lot I try to break the cycle. I think that he needs help learning to control the cycling thoughts. When he is stressed I just let it go.
In Judith Bluestone's book -
The Fabric of Autism, Weaving The Threads into A Cogent Theory, By Judith Bluestone (2005) Sapphire Enterprises, LLC
she talks about learning to control the thought that cycle through. Once they start it is hard to stop them, but it is possible to learn to control what comes out. She also talks about the need to just release at some point.
Gabe walking through the store quietly repeating the advertisement is really not that bad.
Today I am thankful that WalMart has Silk soy yogurt. They only have it every so often. Gabe loves it. It's his pudding! I also find a good deal on gluten free crackers.
Gabe repeatedly asked when school is going to start, followed by I don't have to go today. At supper time he was still declaring I don't have to go today.
"Go away! I don't have to go to school today!" he growled.
I realized that he was hiding. I went on about my business of putting away clean clothes. "Get out I said," he demanded as he sat up.
"I'm just putting clothes away," I told him. After about 10 minutes he got out of bed. He was already dressed. Angel told me that he got up much earlier while I was out for a morning walk and got dressed. Then he got right back into bed.
Later in the day we went to WalMart to get a new lunch box among other things. Gabe is grieving over the departure of his old lunch box. The zipper was not working well by the end of last year. Even though we cleaned it before storing it, it was covered in mildew when we got it out. It has to go. This is an unhappy day.
In WalMart the first thing we go to is the lunch boxes. They have dark blue ones the same color as his old one but a different style and ones the same style as his old one but green instead. Gabe grabs a blue one and declares, "Just like my old one." I start to show him the green one but he is not even going to look. I give up quickly. He's happy with the one he grabbed. No reason to look for trouble. He insists on carrying it through the store. "It's mine!"
As we walk through WalMart Gabe says, "Save money, Live better, WalMart" about once each minute. He's so stressed today that I decide not to try to stop him. He is really trying to be good today. Often, when he repeats a lot I try to break the cycle. I think that he needs help learning to control the cycling thoughts. When he is stressed I just let it go.
In Judith Bluestone's book -
The Fabric of Autism, Weaving The Threads into A Cogent Theory, By Judith Bluestone (2005) Sapphire Enterprises, LLC
she talks about learning to control the thought that cycle through. Once they start it is hard to stop them, but it is possible to learn to control what comes out. She also talks about the need to just release at some point.
Gabe walking through the store quietly repeating the advertisement is really not that bad.
Today I am thankful that WalMart has Silk soy yogurt. They only have it every so often. Gabe loves it. It's his pudding! I also find a good deal on gluten free crackers.
Gabe repeatedly asked when school is going to start, followed by I don't have to go today. At supper time he was still declaring I don't have to go today.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Book Reference - The Fabric of Autism
I have not finished reading this book yet, but I have found that some of the descriptions in this book describe Gabe. The book is -
The Fabric of Autism, Weaving The Threads into A Cogent Theory, By Judith Bluestone (2005) Sapphire Enterprises, LLC
In chapter 4 the author talks about hypersensitive and hyposensitive. An autistic child may feel so intensely that the feelings need to be blocked. That would explain why Gabe can't always tell if clothing hanging on the line in the back yard is wet or dry. There have been times when we were taking down clothing that was dry and filling the empty space with a wet item. I looked over just in time to see Gabe following behind taking down the wet ones that were just hung up. "Don't take down the wet ones," I said.
"What wet ones?" he responded.
"If they feel wet, just leave them on the line," I repeated myself.
"What wet?" was his response.
"I'll tell you what ones to take down," I said as I quickly checked several items. How can a person not know if an item is wet or dry I wondered. I'm not asking him to check seams for dampness, just don't take down the obviously wet ones.
In chapter 6 Muscle Tone and Readiness to Respond, the author describes learning to talk. She memorized scripts from TV and radio and practiced these over and over. "I marvel at how natural and easy it is for most people to tune their vocal cords, and to coordinate the movements of tongue and jaw and vocal cords and lungs to speak. And to do this without apparent thought and withour needing to lean on somethin for security. How can they still be upright?
"Before I turned 10, I learned to control sequence of tension and relaxation in these muscles, most of which I cannot see even if I look in a mirror. I produced speech sounds....I practiced incessantly, making up tongue twisters and singing along with the commercials on the radio:" (p 63).
This explains Gabe's 'need' to watch movies, the same ones over and over and then shout out the lines, sometimes at very inappropriate times. On page 64 the author explains how the use of a certain phrase from a movie will set off a major section of the script that follows that line running through her head and frequently out of her mouth. She laments that life does not follow a script. It would be so much easier that way.
I can see this desire to follow a script in Gabe. In fact when he first began to watch Wheel of Fortune he was confused. Game shows follow a format and have many lines that are repeated with each show, but then the puzzles are all different. There are different contestants each show, and while Pat Sajak interviews them at the same point in each show there is no predictable script for those interviews.
I look forward to the rest of the book. I have just begun some of the therapies. It is only a few days until school starts. I don't know how it will go, but in as much as the gluten and dairy free diet has helped, it has not been a cure all. I am still looking for additional help. I would like to see how close to 'normal' we can get.
I was a bit upset by the school psychologist last year who said, "just face it, he's retarded. He's always going to be, so nothing much is going to change it. She had only known Gabe for part of a school year. Why give up so quickly? She might be right, but we won't know unless we try. Also, I think that moving from significantly delayed to slightly delayed or whatever improvement we get is -well- an improvement.
The Fabric of Autism, Weaving The Threads into A Cogent Theory, By Judith Bluestone (2005) Sapphire Enterprises, LLC
In chapter 4 the author talks about hypersensitive and hyposensitive. An autistic child may feel so intensely that the feelings need to be blocked. That would explain why Gabe can't always tell if clothing hanging on the line in the back yard is wet or dry. There have been times when we were taking down clothing that was dry and filling the empty space with a wet item. I looked over just in time to see Gabe following behind taking down the wet ones that were just hung up. "Don't take down the wet ones," I said.
"What wet ones?" he responded.
"If they feel wet, just leave them on the line," I repeated myself.
"What wet?" was his response.
"I'll tell you what ones to take down," I said as I quickly checked several items. How can a person not know if an item is wet or dry I wondered. I'm not asking him to check seams for dampness, just don't take down the obviously wet ones.
In chapter 6 Muscle Tone and Readiness to Respond, the author describes learning to talk. She memorized scripts from TV and radio and practiced these over and over. "I marvel at how natural and easy it is for most people to tune their vocal cords, and to coordinate the movements of tongue and jaw and vocal cords and lungs to speak. And to do this without apparent thought and withour needing to lean on somethin for security. How can they still be upright?
"Before I turned 10, I learned to control sequence of tension and relaxation in these muscles, most of which I cannot see even if I look in a mirror. I produced speech sounds....I practiced incessantly, making up tongue twisters and singing along with the commercials on the radio:" (p 63).
This explains Gabe's 'need' to watch movies, the same ones over and over and then shout out the lines, sometimes at very inappropriate times. On page 64 the author explains how the use of a certain phrase from a movie will set off a major section of the script that follows that line running through her head and frequently out of her mouth. She laments that life does not follow a script. It would be so much easier that way.
I can see this desire to follow a script in Gabe. In fact when he first began to watch Wheel of Fortune he was confused. Game shows follow a format and have many lines that are repeated with each show, but then the puzzles are all different. There are different contestants each show, and while Pat Sajak interviews them at the same point in each show there is no predictable script for those interviews.
I look forward to the rest of the book. I have just begun some of the therapies. It is only a few days until school starts. I don't know how it will go, but in as much as the gluten and dairy free diet has helped, it has not been a cure all. I am still looking for additional help. I would like to see how close to 'normal' we can get.
I was a bit upset by the school psychologist last year who said, "just face it, he's retarded. He's always going to be, so nothing much is going to change it. She had only known Gabe for part of a school year. Why give up so quickly? She might be right, but we won't know unless we try. Also, I think that moving from significantly delayed to slightly delayed or whatever improvement we get is -well- an improvement.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Too much Time
How can one person have so little to do, when another person has so much to do?
I was trying to get some sewing done today. Gabe had seen a bag of potato chips on the table. I promised him some at lunch. He had just eaten breakfast, a late one, so I told him that lunch would be in 3 hours. He watched his one movie of the day and still there was 1 hour and 45 minutes left until lunch.
I thought that he was just going to sit there on the couch and watch the clock until it was time for lunch! He whined about any of my suggestions. Unfortunately it was pouring rain so I couldn't send him out to play. Finally after about 45 minutes, he came and sat on the stairs that go through the sewing room. He began to talk to me about how much he liked potato chips. He used to eat potato chips when he lived in KY. On and on he went.
"You know how to read the clock," I said.
Since he was not getting anywhere with the potato chip thing, he began to obsess over the dust on the stairs. After a few minutes of this, he got up and went to get the broom and dust pan. He took plenty of time sweeping up the dust. Soon it was time for lunch.
"Thank-you for sweeping the stairs," I said.
"Now I can eat potato chips," he said.
I was trying to get some sewing done today. Gabe had seen a bag of potato chips on the table. I promised him some at lunch. He had just eaten breakfast, a late one, so I told him that lunch would be in 3 hours. He watched his one movie of the day and still there was 1 hour and 45 minutes left until lunch.
I thought that he was just going to sit there on the couch and watch the clock until it was time for lunch! He whined about any of my suggestions. Unfortunately it was pouring rain so I couldn't send him out to play. Finally after about 45 minutes, he came and sat on the stairs that go through the sewing room. He began to talk to me about how much he liked potato chips. He used to eat potato chips when he lived in KY. On and on he went.
"You know how to read the clock," I said.
Since he was not getting anywhere with the potato chip thing, he began to obsess over the dust on the stairs. After a few minutes of this, he got up and went to get the broom and dust pan. He took plenty of time sweeping up the dust. Soon it was time for lunch.
"Thank-you for sweeping the stairs," I said.
"Now I can eat potato chips," he said.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Getting to know Gabe Academically - Gluten and Dairy Free Diet
Even though Gabe was listed as a 5th grader, I wondered where he was academically. I played with him with word cards, numbers, and other concepts. I found that he could name one and some two digit numbers and count, but did not add or subtract without coaching and counters. He could read some kindergarten level words, but hated being asked to do word cards.
I had worked with other slow readers before, but never one that was this far behind. I wondered if I should even 'waste' time trying. Would it be a waste or benefit?
Meanwhile I began to read up on a gluten and dairy free diet. The readings told many stories of those who had tried it and the drastic changes in their lives. This diet was recommended for those with autism. Most readings said that while it did not work for all children, it did work for many. The difference was like day and night. However, a person needed to be strictly on the diet for at least 3 months to know if it would really work.
About 6 weeks after Gabe moved in, we started him on the diet. While reading up on it, we had begun to cut way back on some foods and just plain drop others out of his diet. It was winter time and I cooked big pots of beans, rice and vegetables on the wood burning stove in our house. We would eat this over corn chips. It was cheep, nutritious food. The only problem was that we liked this meal with lots of cheese on top. Cheese was now a no no for Gabe. I insisted that others not eat it in front of him. Because our kitchen is so cold in the winter time, we often eat in the living room near the wood burner. I would get Gabe's food first, and then we would ask the blessing, thanking God for his bounties. Then I would seat Gabe in his spot in the living room while other family members in the kitchen would bury cheese in their beans before coming to the living room.
We often watched Wheel of Fortune while we ate. Gabe had mostly watched videos in the past. Wheel of Fortune threw him for a loop. They say many of the same things each time, but of course the puzzles and contestant interviews vary each time. Gabe tried desperately to memorize it all. He quickly learned to shout letters at the TV. We worked on teaching him not to shout, while encouraging him to go a head and guess. He just shouted.
About 6 weeks into the gluten and dairy free diet, we began to notice that Gabe seemed to be thinking a bit clearer. We were not sure if it was just him getting used to our routines or a real improvement in his abilities. By 3 months, it seemed obvious that he had improved quite a bit, but it was not the day and night experience that we had hoped for. The changes were not drastic, but they were noticed by other relatives and friends who had known him for some time. They encouraged us to keep it up.
Being gluten and dairy free can be challenging. It was almost unbelievable to me the number of foods that have wheat, oats, rye or milk in them. It is in so many processed foods. It also makes eating out or even with friends a challenge.
I learned to carry food along if we were eating somewhere other than home. I found ways to keep appropriate snack in the truck so we would not be caught off guard. This was difficult at first. It is a whole new way of thinking. The crackers, etc that I had kept on hand for my other children were now useless to this situation.
By 3 months into the diet, I decided that Gabe probably could learn to read. He really liked Bible stories and music. I wanted to get away from some of the movies that were his favorites. We were all so tired of some of the lines that he continuously shouted at us. I had limited him to movies only on days that were not school days. Now it was summer and he wanted a movie every day. I did limit him to one movie per day. I wanted him to play outside. I got some DVDs from the local dollar store. They were Bible stories and children's religious music to go with the stories. There were pictures and words. It was set up karaoke style. As the narrator read the story a red line followed across the words. It was the same for the songs. Since Gabe liked to memorize, I thought that he might also learn some more reading with these. He enjoyed the DVDs, but got mad at me when I tried to show him how they were reading the words. I showed him at various times anyway, until I felt sure that he understood. I didn't point this out every time that he watched them, just sometimes. I wanted him to like the DVDs.
Gabe also had many Bible texts and hymns memorized. People were amazed at how many of them he knew. However, I realized after listening closely to him that he was saying or singing a combination of real and nonsense words. The nonsense words sounded similar to what the real words should have been. It was obvious that he didn't really understand what he was saying. I began to use familiar texts and hymns to teach him to read. At first he was shocked and mad at the 'wrong' words that I was making him say. I pointed out that the words printed were the real words. I did not want to push the fact that he had been wrong all this time. Gabe is so tired of 'getting it wrong'. He wants to be right. I think that is part of why he shouts things. If you say it with enough force, you must be right. As we read, I just continued to point out to him that learning to read helps make sure that you are right. I kept emphasizing the idea that he could get it right every time with a little practice. "After all, you already know most of it!"
We did not read a lot every day. I tried to read with him one or two days a week. If I tried any more than that, he would just rebel. One thing that we did do almost every day was family worship. The class that he was in at church had Bible study guides for kids (his age - well he was 11 yrs old in with the 7 & 8 yr. old). The Bible study guides have a memory verse for each week. We made him learn to read the memory verse by practicing it at every worship time. At first he didn't like this.Then he began to realize that he really could learn to read these verses. Oral and visual memorization began to come together. The oral had always been there, now the visual was beginning to kick in with it.
Gabe knows many phonics rules. As he practices reading he randomly shouts them out. It is obvious that he does not know how to apply them. It is also obvious that his teachers have really tried to teach him phonics and sounding out new words. At this point I figure that Gabe will be a sight word reader. I will not bother with phonics for him. (Phonics are valuable tools, and I have used them successfully with other students).
Over the period of the next school year (6th grade), Gabe's reading abilities improved to the point of 1.9 by my educated guess. That means that I believe his reading level to be at the end of 1st grade. That is slightly more than one year of improvement in a year. As the following summer progressed, Gabe's reading ability continued to improve.
Interesting to me, was the parent teacher conference near the end of Gabe's 6th grade year. His teachers were not really seeing a big improvement in his reading ability. They were seeing that his math skills had improved the most. Personally, I had not seen any improvement in his math skills. He still needed counters and coaching to do sums up to 10. This is kindergarten level.
This really made me wonder. I would like to be a fly on the classroom wall. Well maybe not a fly. Gabe loves swatting bugs - but something small -you know. Well that can't happen. We'll just keep trying.
I had worked with other slow readers before, but never one that was this far behind. I wondered if I should even 'waste' time trying. Would it be a waste or benefit?
Meanwhile I began to read up on a gluten and dairy free diet. The readings told many stories of those who had tried it and the drastic changes in their lives. This diet was recommended for those with autism. Most readings said that while it did not work for all children, it did work for many. The difference was like day and night. However, a person needed to be strictly on the diet for at least 3 months to know if it would really work.
About 6 weeks after Gabe moved in, we started him on the diet. While reading up on it, we had begun to cut way back on some foods and just plain drop others out of his diet. It was winter time and I cooked big pots of beans, rice and vegetables on the wood burning stove in our house. We would eat this over corn chips. It was cheep, nutritious food. The only problem was that we liked this meal with lots of cheese on top. Cheese was now a no no for Gabe. I insisted that others not eat it in front of him. Because our kitchen is so cold in the winter time, we often eat in the living room near the wood burner. I would get Gabe's food first, and then we would ask the blessing, thanking God for his bounties. Then I would seat Gabe in his spot in the living room while other family members in the kitchen would bury cheese in their beans before coming to the living room.
We often watched Wheel of Fortune while we ate. Gabe had mostly watched videos in the past. Wheel of Fortune threw him for a loop. They say many of the same things each time, but of course the puzzles and contestant interviews vary each time. Gabe tried desperately to memorize it all. He quickly learned to shout letters at the TV. We worked on teaching him not to shout, while encouraging him to go a head and guess. He just shouted.
About 6 weeks into the gluten and dairy free diet, we began to notice that Gabe seemed to be thinking a bit clearer. We were not sure if it was just him getting used to our routines or a real improvement in his abilities. By 3 months, it seemed obvious that he had improved quite a bit, but it was not the day and night experience that we had hoped for. The changes were not drastic, but they were noticed by other relatives and friends who had known him for some time. They encouraged us to keep it up.
Being gluten and dairy free can be challenging. It was almost unbelievable to me the number of foods that have wheat, oats, rye or milk in them. It is in so many processed foods. It also makes eating out or even with friends a challenge.
I learned to carry food along if we were eating somewhere other than home. I found ways to keep appropriate snack in the truck so we would not be caught off guard. This was difficult at first. It is a whole new way of thinking. The crackers, etc that I had kept on hand for my other children were now useless to this situation.
By 3 months into the diet, I decided that Gabe probably could learn to read. He really liked Bible stories and music. I wanted to get away from some of the movies that were his favorites. We were all so tired of some of the lines that he continuously shouted at us. I had limited him to movies only on days that were not school days. Now it was summer and he wanted a movie every day. I did limit him to one movie per day. I wanted him to play outside. I got some DVDs from the local dollar store. They were Bible stories and children's religious music to go with the stories. There were pictures and words. It was set up karaoke style. As the narrator read the story a red line followed across the words. It was the same for the songs. Since Gabe liked to memorize, I thought that he might also learn some more reading with these. He enjoyed the DVDs, but got mad at me when I tried to show him how they were reading the words. I showed him at various times anyway, until I felt sure that he understood. I didn't point this out every time that he watched them, just sometimes. I wanted him to like the DVDs.
Gabe also had many Bible texts and hymns memorized. People were amazed at how many of them he knew. However, I realized after listening closely to him that he was saying or singing a combination of real and nonsense words. The nonsense words sounded similar to what the real words should have been. It was obvious that he didn't really understand what he was saying. I began to use familiar texts and hymns to teach him to read. At first he was shocked and mad at the 'wrong' words that I was making him say. I pointed out that the words printed were the real words. I did not want to push the fact that he had been wrong all this time. Gabe is so tired of 'getting it wrong'. He wants to be right. I think that is part of why he shouts things. If you say it with enough force, you must be right. As we read, I just continued to point out to him that learning to read helps make sure that you are right. I kept emphasizing the idea that he could get it right every time with a little practice. "After all, you already know most of it!"
We did not read a lot every day. I tried to read with him one or two days a week. If I tried any more than that, he would just rebel. One thing that we did do almost every day was family worship. The class that he was in at church had Bible study guides for kids (his age - well he was 11 yrs old in with the 7 & 8 yr. old). The Bible study guides have a memory verse for each week. We made him learn to read the memory verse by practicing it at every worship time. At first he didn't like this.Then he began to realize that he really could learn to read these verses. Oral and visual memorization began to come together. The oral had always been there, now the visual was beginning to kick in with it.
Gabe knows many phonics rules. As he practices reading he randomly shouts them out. It is obvious that he does not know how to apply them. It is also obvious that his teachers have really tried to teach him phonics and sounding out new words. At this point I figure that Gabe will be a sight word reader. I will not bother with phonics for him. (Phonics are valuable tools, and I have used them successfully with other students).
Over the period of the next school year (6th grade), Gabe's reading abilities improved to the point of 1.9 by my educated guess. That means that I believe his reading level to be at the end of 1st grade. That is slightly more than one year of improvement in a year. As the following summer progressed, Gabe's reading ability continued to improve.
Interesting to me, was the parent teacher conference near the end of Gabe's 6th grade year. His teachers were not really seeing a big improvement in his reading ability. They were seeing that his math skills had improved the most. Personally, I had not seen any improvement in his math skills. He still needed counters and coaching to do sums up to 10. This is kindergarten level.
This really made me wonder. I would like to be a fly on the classroom wall. Well maybe not a fly. Gabe loves swatting bugs - but something small -you know. Well that can't happen. We'll just keep trying.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Gabe's Story - First day at a new school
I followed Gabe and his teacher down the hall to his classroom. The bus had been a few minutes late and the 2 aides in the room had the other students seated and ready to start school. I was introduced to the aides. They showed Gabe where to put his coat and lunch. They then showed him to his desk. He seemed initially to avoid my presence, which rather surprised me. But he kept sneaking glances at me as I sat in the back corner of the classroom.
I was handed more paper work to finish. I was also introduced to a lady from the county education office who was there to make sure that Gabe's placement was the best one for him. After a very brief conversation with me, she went and sat next to Gabe. The teacher was placing large photographic cutouts of standard coins - penny, nickel, dime, & quarter on the board at the front of the room and calling on students to name the coins and say their worth. Gabe quickly had his hand up. I wondered if he knew them. Soon the teacher called on him. He answered correctly. Then he looked at me and gave a thumbs up. I gave him the thumbs up in return.
I stayed for about 10 more minutes, then I had to get back to work. I went over to say good bye to Gabe. He gave me the elbow and looked annoyed. I told him that I would see him at home after school and then walked to the door. I paused to make sure that he was fine. He gave me a quick glance and then turned his attention back to the teacher.
She was a very dynamic person. As I walked down the hall I wondered if she gave such a good performance all of the time, or only when she was being observed. It seemed as though Gabe would be just fine in that classroom. The elbow in the ribs told me that he was ready to try this 'by himself'.
I was handed more paper work to finish. I was also introduced to a lady from the county education office who was there to make sure that Gabe's placement was the best one for him. After a very brief conversation with me, she went and sat next to Gabe. The teacher was placing large photographic cutouts of standard coins - penny, nickel, dime, & quarter on the board at the front of the room and calling on students to name the coins and say their worth. Gabe quickly had his hand up. I wondered if he knew them. Soon the teacher called on him. He answered correctly. Then he looked at me and gave a thumbs up. I gave him the thumbs up in return.
I stayed for about 10 more minutes, then I had to get back to work. I went over to say good bye to Gabe. He gave me the elbow and looked annoyed. I told him that I would see him at home after school and then walked to the door. I paused to make sure that he was fine. He gave me a quick glance and then turned his attention back to the teacher.
She was a very dynamic person. As I walked down the hall I wondered if she gave such a good performance all of the time, or only when she was being observed. It seemed as though Gabe would be just fine in that classroom. The elbow in the ribs told me that he was ready to try this 'by himself'.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Gabe's Story - moving in
It was late at night and the snow was deep when we arrived home. I set out to help Gabe get ready for bed and settled in to Fred's old room. He was cranky and confused. I sat with him for quite a while waiting for him to fall asleep. Finally I assured him that I would just be in the next room. We went several rounds with this conversation as I tried to assure him. Finally I told him, "you will be okay. I will be in the next room." I wished that I didn't have to work the next morning. I knew that I needed my sleep to function properly on the job.
In the mean time, my husband had removed the big wooden sword from the back of the truck and secured it in the barn. We debated on the proper way to handle it. The only thing that we were sure of was that we did not want that sword in the house.
When Gabe woke up the next morning, the first thing that he wanted to do was get his stuff out of the truck.I was there briefly while on a break. He did not want breakfast, just his sword and other stuff. He was told breakfast first. "Where are my Pop Tarts?" he demanded. He had eaten Pop Tarts every morning at his old house. In fact it was a ritual that he went to the cupboard, got out a pack from the box, went to the toaster oven and opened them, bit the right corner off of the Pop Tart in his right hand, and then put them in the oven. He shut the door and gave the knob a quick crank. It was both my and Angel's observation that some mornings he had slightly warm pasteries while other morning they were well done. He ate them either way.
There would be no Pop Tarts for breakfast at our house for 2 reasons.
1) We just don't eat Pop Tarts for breakfast often. We try to be healthier than that.
2) While cleaning out his mother's bedroom we had come across information on how a gluten and dairy free diet has helped some autistic children. I was not ready to be gluten and dairy free yet, but I wanted to look into it. It seemed better to leave the old Pop Tart habit at the old house. If we did not end up gluten free, he could have them as an occasional snack at a later time.
I was only home briefly, leaving my husband Dirk to deal with the issues. He was unemployed at that time after 25 years with his previous job. I went to our local school to get Gabe enrolled.
The school was very glad that his previous school had given me copies of all of his records.I told them that I would like to keep the records, but gave them permission to copy anything that they needed. They were happy to get all of it on the spot. Because Gabe had to be placed in a special class it would take a few days to figure out the best placement based on his current records. His previous teacher had included a phone number so that the school could call and talk directly to him if they wanted to.
Because of the fact that it would take time to choose the right program, the fact that the school had a teachers meeting day, and the mounting snow that resulted in snow days, it was a week before Gabe started school. We hyped up how much fun making new friends would be. He pined for his teacher at his old school. "Just call him, I know he'll come," Gabe said over and over.
"He can't come, it takes 6 hours to get here." We argued over this several times each day. Other discussions that repeated frequently involved topics such as Why did you steal me? Why did you steal my stuff? Why did you steal my mother? What have you done with my mother? and other similar subjects. Nothing that we said made a bit of difference. After a few rounds we would just tell him that he needed to listen and think about what we said. No more asking now. We told him that we knew that he missed his mother very much. We miss her too. We will see her again when Jesus comes and takes us all to Heaven.
The night before Gabe was going to his new school he repeatedly asked if he was going to school the next day, and then followed this with a matter of fact statement that there would be too much snow to go. Sensing that all of our hype had not worked, I asked him if he was excited to go make new friends. He just stared at me. Then I asked quietly, "are you scared?"
"Yes," he said in a tiny little voice.
"It's okay to be a little bit scared," I told him.
"I don't have to go?" he asked.
"You are going to a new school. It is going to be a good place so you don't need to be a lot scared. A little bit scared is okay though. I have to go to work early tomorrow, so Uncle Dirk will get you ready for school and help you get on the bus. I have a break in the morning. Would you like it if I was standing on the side walk at your school when your bus got there. I could go in your new school with you."
After several rounds of this conversation he finally said, "You will be at my school? You can go in with me? Okay."
The next morning I was standing on the sidewalk in front of the school when Gabe's bus pulled up. His new teacher was standing there too. He started to hold my hand as we walked into the school, but then switched to holding the teacher's hand. I felt rejection and yet glad, because it looked like the transition would be reasonably smooth. We walked down the hall towards the classroom.
In the mean time, my husband had removed the big wooden sword from the back of the truck and secured it in the barn. We debated on the proper way to handle it. The only thing that we were sure of was that we did not want that sword in the house.
When Gabe woke up the next morning, the first thing that he wanted to do was get his stuff out of the truck.I was there briefly while on a break. He did not want breakfast, just his sword and other stuff. He was told breakfast first. "Where are my Pop Tarts?" he demanded. He had eaten Pop Tarts every morning at his old house. In fact it was a ritual that he went to the cupboard, got out a pack from the box, went to the toaster oven and opened them, bit the right corner off of the Pop Tart in his right hand, and then put them in the oven. He shut the door and gave the knob a quick crank. It was both my and Angel's observation that some mornings he had slightly warm pasteries while other morning they were well done. He ate them either way.
There would be no Pop Tarts for breakfast at our house for 2 reasons.
1) We just don't eat Pop Tarts for breakfast often. We try to be healthier than that.
2) While cleaning out his mother's bedroom we had come across information on how a gluten and dairy free diet has helped some autistic children. I was not ready to be gluten and dairy free yet, but I wanted to look into it. It seemed better to leave the old Pop Tart habit at the old house. If we did not end up gluten free, he could have them as an occasional snack at a later time.
I was only home briefly, leaving my husband Dirk to deal with the issues. He was unemployed at that time after 25 years with his previous job. I went to our local school to get Gabe enrolled.
The school was very glad that his previous school had given me copies of all of his records.I told them that I would like to keep the records, but gave them permission to copy anything that they needed. They were happy to get all of it on the spot. Because Gabe had to be placed in a special class it would take a few days to figure out the best placement based on his current records. His previous teacher had included a phone number so that the school could call and talk directly to him if they wanted to.
Because of the fact that it would take time to choose the right program, the fact that the school had a teachers meeting day, and the mounting snow that resulted in snow days, it was a week before Gabe started school. We hyped up how much fun making new friends would be. He pined for his teacher at his old school. "Just call him, I know he'll come," Gabe said over and over.
"He can't come, it takes 6 hours to get here." We argued over this several times each day. Other discussions that repeated frequently involved topics such as Why did you steal me? Why did you steal my stuff? Why did you steal my mother? What have you done with my mother? and other similar subjects. Nothing that we said made a bit of difference. After a few rounds we would just tell him that he needed to listen and think about what we said. No more asking now. We told him that we knew that he missed his mother very much. We miss her too. We will see her again when Jesus comes and takes us all to Heaven.
The night before Gabe was going to his new school he repeatedly asked if he was going to school the next day, and then followed this with a matter of fact statement that there would be too much snow to go. Sensing that all of our hype had not worked, I asked him if he was excited to go make new friends. He just stared at me. Then I asked quietly, "are you scared?"
"Yes," he said in a tiny little voice.
"It's okay to be a little bit scared," I told him.
"I don't have to go?" he asked.
"You are going to a new school. It is going to be a good place so you don't need to be a lot scared. A little bit scared is okay though. I have to go to work early tomorrow, so Uncle Dirk will get you ready for school and help you get on the bus. I have a break in the morning. Would you like it if I was standing on the side walk at your school when your bus got there. I could go in your new school with you."
After several rounds of this conversation he finally said, "You will be at my school? You can go in with me? Okay."
The next morning I was standing on the sidewalk in front of the school when Gabe's bus pulled up. His new teacher was standing there too. He started to hold my hand as we walked into the school, but then switched to holding the teacher's hand. I felt rejection and yet glad, because it looked like the transition would be reasonably smooth. We walked down the hall towards the classroom.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)